Kids Don't Have a Pause Button

Proverbs 31:28
Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her.


Hope you all got to have a great Father's Day weekend with the men in your life! It really is such a special day. Father's play such an important role in a child's life and a good father is such an irreplaceable treasure! I know, at least for me, that it is so easy to take them for granted and not tell them nearly enough how much we appreciate not only all they do for us, but WHO they are FOR us! I consider myself so blessed to be able to say that I had/have a wonderful dad, and I also married a man who became an amazing father!


So yesterday (on Father's Day) I was making a desperate attempt to uphold what has become our yearly tradition of a Father's day photo of Lexi and her daddy. I even had them dress in coordinating outfits for the best possible picture outcome! Unfortunately, her plans for the moment included no such picture. For one, she was being extremely partial to mommy yesterday morning (for whatever reason?), so at first she screamed for me the entire time I was trying to take a picture (didn't make for such a great Father's day photo...lol). Then, she decided she was too busy for EITHER of us and started running in circles around the lobby of the church. I figured, well at least she's happy, maybe let her burn some energy and THEN we can snap a quick shot of her and daddy. She ran and ran and squealed and jumped! Fortunately my husband wasn't easily deterred by her opposition to him, and he started chasing her and playing with her. I was taking picture after picture trying to capture the moment, and trying to get at least one shot the didn't look like a little turquoise blur flying across the frame of the picture! As I started pleading with her to stand still for even just 5 seconds, a friend who was watching all this unfold, snickered and said "Kids don't have a pause button do they?" My reply was "NO!! Definitely not! And they don't have a mute button either!" We both giggled over that a little, but as I watched my precious little girl run around and play with her daddy, the reality of his statement hit me like a brick.


Children do not have a pause button. I can't pause her long enough to even take her picture, and I surely can't pause her long enough to not let grow up on me while my life gets busy.She won't wait on me to make the time for her. I think back on the last two years and I can't even fathom how quickly that time has gone by. It seems like every day now Lexi is saying a new word, or doing something that I had no idea she knew how to do. She is getting big, growing up, and quickly leaving her babyhood behind. It is probably the most bittersweet experience I have ever been through. Each new stage brings so much joy (and sometimes so many trials! lol), and yet it is heartbreaking at the same time! Before having my own child, I never could have imagined what hearing her little voice speak a new word for the first time would do to my heart. I would've thought it crazy to get as I excited as I do when I watch her explore and learn new things. Even the smallest accomplishment seems like the greatest achievement when it is YOUR child!


Isn't it so amazing how God can use something so small and seemingly insignificant to remind us of what is important in life and to change our perspective. God has really been convicting me lately about what it means to be the mommy that I need to be for my sweet girl. He is constantly revealing to me that I CAN NOT do it on my own. I need to be daily seeking His guidance in raising her and in directing her, and he used the innocent statement from a friend to remind me that my time with her is precious. It forced make me ask myself the question, "Am I really making the most of every moment?" Do I savor her and cherish her and relish in the fact that she is everything that she is in this very minute? She is a gift from God Himself! Do I treat her as such?


Before I had kids, I was the person that always thought I would have it all together as a parent. I knew exactly how I would discipline, exactly how I would praise, and if I did everything just right my toddler would NOT be the fit throwing "brat" you see in the mall. They would be sweet and polite and well behaved! I just KNEW that I could accomplish this with my superior parenting plan. I would defiantly scoff at the parents whose kids were laying on the ground having a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store and firmly state that my child would NEVER act that way! Hahahahahaha!!! Guess what folks? That is called pride, and the Bible clearly states that if we carry pride with us as a Child of God, He will quickly find a way to humble us.


I stand before you today a humbled woman. Sometimes I joke that God is paying me back for every time I ever judged another parent! Lol... I don't believe that is the way God really works, but I do believe He is teaching me in His kind and loving way, that my judgemental attitude was totally wrong and off base. I have actually LEFT a store in the middle of my shopping because Lexi was throwing such a ridiculous tantrum that it would actually be RUDE to stay. I am now that parent on the receiving end of the pity glances from other parents who have "been there, done that" and the dirty looks from the people that just have no clue, the people that I used to be!!!! Oh, I am so sorry to every mom I ever judged! I truly was ignorant! There is no way to describe the absolute humiliation of having to leave a store because your child's screaming volume has reached such a decibel that your afraid of causing permanent hearing loss in your fellow shoppers (or at least a severe headache). It is in those moments of feeling purely horrified that God has brought back all my haughty words and ugly attitudes to mind, and then humbled my once very prideful heart!


I KNOW that God is using Lexi to teach me such a valuable lesson. If she had fit my perfect mold of what I was expecting, and if she was falling right into my "infallible" plan for parenting, then I would be stealing all the glory of raising her from the Lord and keeping it for myself. His strength is perfected in my weakness, and I know that I can credit Him for any good in her because there are many times I feel like the blind leading the blind when it comes to parenting her.


I said all of this because all of the struggles I have had in my short time as a parent bring me back to the same point. I catch myself wishing sometimes that certain struggles that I have with her will pass quickly, that she will outgrow this stage that is so difficult. The truth is though, that even though she may outgrow certain challenges, they will be replaced with new and different ones, and every time she outgrows a stage and all its hardships, she also outgrows precious moments of her childhood that neither she, nor I will ever get back.


So I want to challenge myself, and all my Mommy friends out there who so graciously took the time to read this. I know for a fact that at every stage, our kids can be so hard. They can be exhausting, and trying, and they will sometimes challenge everything we thought we knew about being a parent, but please be careful not to wish away their childhood! And please don't let life consume you to the point that all of the sudden your infant is in elementary school, or your toddler is leaving for college and you realize that so much of that precious time was wasted. I think back to how many times Lexi has come to me with a book or a toy, and I brush her aside and say "Mommy is busy Lex, go play". Just typing those words makes my stomach ill. God has placed this most fragile and wonderful gift in my hands, and in that moment I am saying that I am too busy to nurture and to cherish her. I pray that I will NEVER allow housework or errands or just the plain old busyness of life to get in the way of purposefully living out the one of the most important roles I will ever have the opportunity to play. I am a mommy before I am a housemaid, an employee, a servant, and even before I am a friend. Please don't think I am devaluing any of those roles that we may play as women. I believe that each of those things are valuable and important, but we will never make more of an impact in the world than we will in our own home. Our mission to "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations" starts underneath our own roof, with the people that God has so meticulously placed in our life and in our care as a wife and as a mom.


Kids don't have a pause button. The best hope we will ever have of freezing them in time is capturing a snapshot or a video, and then months and years later looking back and trying to remember all the sweetness that that moment held. We don't have a parental remote! We can't turn down the volume, hit the mute button, or skip the parts we don't like. We can't control how quickly they grow up, and we certainly can never go back. Once a moment, an hour, or a day is gone, it is gone for good. We never get to go back and relive that time with our kids. Hug them, love them, listen to them! When they just HAVE to tell you a story or want to read a book, take a moment to weigh what is more valuable. Do the dishes HAVE to be finished right this second? Can your friend wait an extra three minutes at the park so that you can really listen to what your child has to say? I know we all still have to live life. That is part of being a mom. We have to figure out that delicate balance of having so much responsibility and just letting go and spending time with our kids, but I think society has taught us that all of the other overwhelming responsibilities of womanhood often outweigh the importance of motherhood. I truly believe that that is NOT the way God designed us to be. We are first HIS children, then our husbands wife, and then a mother to the children he gave us. All those other things in life will wait, but our kids won't.


Our challenge as moms is greater than it has ever been. This world is fighting tooth and nail to rip our families apart, to turn our kids heart's against God and away from us, and to keep us from being the woman that HE has called us to be for our family. Be on your knees! Plead for the hearts of your kids, and then be there for the defining moments that God will use you to shape their lives. Show up to those spiritual appointments, those precious teaching moments when God will use you to impact your child in ways that no one else ever could. We need to treat EVERY moment as if it IS that moment. Challenge yourself to cherish and make the most of the short time you have with your kids, and please pray for me as I challenge myself to do the same.
Live, laugh, cry, hug, listen, tickle, kiss, squeeze, and love every ounce of the childhood in your kids. There may be no rewind, but if we live this way, there can also be no regrets. We can look back one day as empty nesters and stand before our Almighty God with a peace of knowing that we did it His way.


God Bless friends! Comments and feedback are always so appreciated! Please if you read this, I would love to hear from you! Thank you for sharing in my struggles and joining with me to become the women and children of God that He has called us to be!

The "New" OLD House

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Hello All!!
I'm back from all the months of being lost in the whirlwind of life. Many noteworthy events have come to pass in the months since I've written last! Some frustrating and some exciting, but all have been lessons God has used to teach me about what truly matters.
It never ceases to amaze me how much life can change in such a short period of time. I don't want to bore you with a lengthy telling of my life since September, so I'll try to recap briefly.
Since my last post we spent one insane week moving from our house in Sunbury to our new place of residence in Centerburg. Unfortunately, we had to move our stuff three different places because our house was having repairs done and wasn't ready to move into. I'm not gonna lie, it was one of the most stressful, exhausting, and frustrating weeks of my life! I have no idea why this particular move was so torturous, but it was! ( I can kinda giggle about it now at least)
After all THAT craziness, we moved in with my parents for about a month while waiting for our house to be ready. They were so gracious to us, and we really did enjoy the time we were able to spend with them.
Then, in the beginning of December we FINALLY got to move in (like 2 weeks after we were originally supposed too). Of course Christmas and New Years followed, and all the busyness and festivities that come with the holidays.
In March, more big news came about as we found out we are expecting our second child! This came as a shock at first but we are so excited to welcome a new little one into our family!
Slowly, we started getting our house put together and began to settle into a new stage of life. For those of you who have read my older posts, you know how devastated I was about leaving our other house. At the time, I felt like I was giving up so much, and I felt as if things were just not going to be the same. I felt like I was giving up a peice of our future. Looking back, It amazes me how little it matters now. Though I miss parts of it, like my big yard and having space for my animals, the sentimental attachment I thought I had to it is nowhere to be found. Whether God just took it from me, or it was never really as strong as I thought it was to begin with, I'm not sure. It's just not there. I look back fondly on the memories we have there and that's about it. I am not sorry to have moved on.
Living in this "new" house HAS been of an adjustment, don't get me wrong. This house is MUCH older and much smaller. It was built in the early 1800's, and at first glance you may even think it to be older than that! The porch is sinking really bad on one side, the old yellow paint is peeling of the wooden siding, and the whole house is so crooked that one of my kitchen drawers won't even stay closed. I have a lot less storage and a lot more dust. It truly is a RENTAL house. Old yucky carpet, cracks in the ceiling and walls, and major lack of sufficient electrical outlets are just the beginning of the things that are now an annoying part of our every day life.
There are times when I look around and think, "It's not so bad here." We have done our best to make it our home, and it is definitely better than when we moved in. I struggle daily though, with my attitude concerning this topic. My flesh and my pride scream at me every time I try to make it look really clean (and can't) or try to put things away that there just simple isn't enough storage space for! I get grumpy and frustrated. I usually am able to quickly retrieve my wayward thoughts and keep them from getting too out of control by finding things to be grateful for, but as I said, it's a struggle.
A lot of it goes back to my vanity. I know it does. See, I'll reveal another part of myself that I'm not real proud of. When I'm being completely honest and open, I have to admit that I SO desperately want my life to look put together on the outside. I WANT that nice little house with a neat yard, and a nice family car parked in the drive. I want to be that girl that always looks put together, who is trim and fit and has great hair. I want to always know the right thing to say. I want to be smart and witty, and yet humble and compassionate. I want to be the girl that everyone sees and thinks "Wow! I wonder how she does it?"
Ok, so basically, I want to be perfect! Haha...don't we all? The issue is that I am making life all about me. I am not condoning this, but admitting that I struggle with it in hopes you can relate and we can encourage each other. God has NOTcalled me to be perfect, and I know living my life trying to acheive that is ultimately not going to be pleasing to Him. The problem starts when I start SO desiring to have this perfect image, that it becomes more important than my desire to be reflecting the image of Christ.
I AM a perfectionist. You would never know it if you walked in my house right now and saw the piles of laundry on my dining room table, the dirt that needs swept off my stairs, and the pile of dishes in my sink, but deep down, I truly do wish I could have the life of "that girl" that just has it all together. This just about kills me sometimes! Trying to maintain that image is exhausting! And when I think my cover is going to be blown and that someone is going to see my life for the way it really is (as in when my dear husband invites someone over without telling me and my house is a disaster!) I PANIC!! It is much too stressful to try to keep up that perfect appearance, especially when your life looks like mine! lol.... My house is not much to speak of, my car is literally falling apart on the outside, my personal appearance is usually a far cry from what I would consider attractive, and now my child now has taken on the hobby of throwing fits in public! It's almost comical I know! I am SO far from that "perfection" that I feel is so important for me to achieve, and yet getting there feels so far out of reach.
So what are my options? The way I see it I have 3 of them. I either figure out a way to be perfect, I just give up and decide I don't care what my life looks like, or I seek God and trust that if I prioritize Him that all the rest will fall into place according to His will and His glory. There is such a valuable lesson here. I am still learning it every day.
See, I have lived a rather privileged life. I think just living in the good ole U.S. of A. gives us a bit of a sense of entitlement, but also I grew up never knowing what it was like to have needs (or usually even desires) go unmet. My parents worked hard, and they provided us with everything we ever could've wanted. "No" was not something we heard a whole lot of. Yes, of course they protected us, and they helped us make good choices, but we were the kids who had everything! Though I would like be able to say that this didn't spoil me, it did, at least a little. I grew up a grateful kid, don't get me wrong, but when you always "have", it's easy to start to take it for granted.
Now I am in a position where I can't have everything I want when I want it. Many of my dreams and desires have to be put on hold, some of them maybe never to be reached, and I guess it is a bit of a reality check to my rather spoiled lifestyle. I guess the problem with having everything is that it is much too easy to start forgetting about God. When you feel as if you can provide for yourself, then the need for a gracious Savior starts to fade away.
God has been teaching me so much through these past few months! I know I say that in every post, but that is the whole point of my blog! I am learning how to find good in a situation that, to my flesh, doesn't feel very pleasing. I am learning what it truly means to be content! I am learning that who I appear to be should be merely the shadow that is cast off from the light of God shining on my life. I truly CAN have internal peace about who I am. Who I am is SOO much more than my house, and my car, and my appearance. All of those things will fade and can be gone so quick, but the peace that passes all understanding from my Creator who resides in my heart, that is what is lasting. HE is the provider of all my needs! HE is the source of my joy!
What a revelation! So simple, yet so stunningly beautiful. As a Christian, we are taught over and over again how things aren't important and how our hearts can never be satisfied by them, but how often do we still try? How often do we try to fill those voids in our hearts with something other than God Himself? It is so easy to do, and often we don't even realize we've done it until our hearts are crying out that they are hungry for more.
I've given you a long list of all the things about this house that I don't like, let me tell you some of the things that I have found to be a gift.
I never thought I'd say this, but I actually like living in town. I can honestly say I am enjoying the small town life. It is so convenient to have everything in walking distance. We nice big trees in our yard and nice neighbors. We love going on long walks around town and sitting on our porch soaking up the warm evenings filled with the smell of bbq on the grill and kids out playing in their yards. Our house, though rather ancient, is filled with history and charm. It has 200 year old hard wood floor, 10 foot ceilings, and thick crown molding in almost every room. I have a first floor laundry room, and an attic to tuck things out of the way. The walls are now covered in pictures of our family and our life, and every room has a personal touch that makes it feel just a little more like home.
Ya know, the best parts about this house really have nothing to do with wood or walls. The best parts are the people who gather under this roof every night, the laughs that we share and the memories that we make, the burdens that we bear for each other, and the prayers that are lifted to the Father from our table at dinner time. They are the stories that are read over and over again and squeals from a cute little girl when her daddy gets home from work. Those are the things that are precious under this roof. Those are the things that I hold dear to my heart. Those are the things that I love about this "new" old house.
That is the same way it is with me, and to all of my Christian friends, you too. God has made me new. He has cleansed me and made me clean and beautiful inside. The outside is not what I wish it was, but my new self lives in an old house. That's just the way it is, at least until we get to Heaven. I may not be physically old yet, but this house is gonna crumble one day. The paint is gonna peel and foundation is gonna lean. My body is so temporary, and just like my old rental we live in, it is only a temporary residence for my soul. Just as we hope to leave this place one day in the not too distant future, my soul will leave my body and my body will be no more.
I pray that if you have ever struggled like I do, that this can give you hope and encouragement. I am so grateful to be in this place in my life, even if just for the reason that I am learning that my joy comes only from the Lord! It is the most freeing thing in the world to learn that no earthly thing can determine the outlook of my heart! No circumstances can steal what Christ has given to me!
I live in an old house, but its a "new" old house to me, and I'm determined to enjoy every day God gives me here!
Thanks for reading! I would love your feedback, comments, stories.... They mean so much to me!
God Bless all! I will try not to disappear for so long this time!

A Season in My Life

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I think that the greatest part of living in the beautiful state of Ohio is being able to experience the changing of the seasons. I know many would disagree with me on this point. I know a lot of people who would be more than happy to have it be summer all year round! Don't get me wrong, I love summer too, but by the time September rolls around I am always looking forward to pullin' out the jeans and the sweatshirts. Fall is one of those seasons that just invites all the senses to celebrate in its beauty. When I walked down to get the mail yesterday, the sun was shining just right on the trees in my front yard, and they almost shimmered with all their glorious colors. The breeze was still warm but had just a hint of coolness, and it carried the sweet smell of moist earth and decomposing leaves. Every step crinkled and crunched as I walked under the canopy of branches that cover my driveway. I couldn't help but just stop for a moment and take it all in. It is in moments like those that I am overwhelmed by the majesty of our Creator. I understand what the Bible means in Luke when it says even "if we keep quiet, the rocks will cry out". The earth shouts of God's goodness and His glory!
When I take the time to stop and reflect on the seasons, I can't help but think about how it is a perfect analogy for the seasons in my life. I know this is a topic that has been thoroughly exhausted by writers who are much more talented than I am, but I am just fascinated by how many comparisons there are in nature to our spiritual lives, and it is such a good reminder to me of God's faithfulness, even in my times of doubt or struggle.
I think the thing about the seasons that makes me enjoy them the most is that you can only truly appreciate one because you have already experienced the others. Just as you can't fully know joy until you have had heartache, and you can't fully know peace unless you have had struggles.
I feel that I have had a lot of struggles lately, more than I have probably have ever had in my life. Now, struggling is completely relative to what that one person's experiences and weaknesses are. For me, my struggles even to my own ears, sound so minuscule compared to the struggles and heartaches of much of the world, but it is all relative to what I have experienced in the past. I have had a pretty easy life. God hasn't allowed me too much heartache or suffering. Actually, my life has been quite the contrary. I have always had everything I have needed and most of everything I've wanted. Things have always come pretty easy to me. I am grateful for that. It just makes it kinda tough for me now when I face new challenges, because I now have to learn how to navigate through them, how to really trust God, and how to maintain my testimony through it all.
I feel like we (me and my family) are in a season of waiting right now. I feel like much of our life is being uprooted and we are having to start all over again. The house did sell. We have to be out by the middle of November. We are not in a position to buy right now, but we did find a couple of other places that we were interested in renting. We are still waiting to hear back from both of them. We are also waiting to hear about Matt's job situation for the winter. The past two years he has been laid off from November to April. It is looking more promising this year that he will be able to keep his job, but we have no guarantees. Financially we are definitely going to have to start all over and rebuild from the bottom. All of these things combined just feels so stressful, and to be honest just downright depressing at times. Matt and I were talking about all of this, and he hit the nail right on the head. It's not that things are all that bad for us right now. We WILL have somewhere to go, we have vehicles that run and money (though not much) in the bank. We have food on the table every night, and we have families that love and support us in any way they can. We have each other, and we have an awesome Savior who has already provided us with EVERYTHING we need. It's not that we are really suffering, it's just that things are not going according to our plan. We had this grand plan of how we wanted our life to turn out and where we would be right now, and that plan didn't include being broke, moving out of the house we thought we were gonna buy, and having to put everything on hold until we know whether or not Matt will have a job. God has a different plan for our life. The thing about it is that I am so foolish for one, thinking that everything would go perfectly my way, and two, assuming that my plan would be better than God's and just trying to follow it instead of seeking His will. Oh sure, I've seeked and obeyed Him in some areas, but if I was truly desiring to follow His plan, I wouldn't be so thrown off when things don't go as I thought they would.
The other day I was feeding Lexi lunch, and I have been working on patience with her, because she has NO idea what the word "wait" means. I guess I wasn't getting her food quickly enough because she was SCREAMING. Well, I had her food ready after just a minute, but I was waiting to give it to her until she settled down. She needs to learn that she won't get her way just because she throws a fit. She needs to trust me. I am her Mom and I have her best in mind, and I will make sure that all her needs are met, she just may have to wait a minute. As I was sitting there feeling frustrated with her, it dawned on me that I was exactly the same way. The Holy Spirit convicted me that I am no different than my 15 month old daughter. Why am I not trusting God? Don't I know by now, after years of being His child that He has my best in mind? And He may very well be waiting to give it to me until I have learned how to stop throwing a fit when I don't get my way and to just trust Him. I know that He desires to meet all my needs, and He promised me He would, but it will be in His timing, not mine. That was such a powerful lesson for me, and one that I am going to have to continue to learn, as I have not mastered it yet!
In the past weeks I have heard a few sermons and received encouragement from a few people that really reminded me that instead of always asking God to remove me from the season of life that I am in, I need to ask Him how He would have me to walk through it? How can my testimony shine even brighter in my times of struggle? What is it that He wants me to learn from this season of my life? I am going to have to walk through it reguardless of what my attitudeis or how much I resent it, so why not make the best of it, and trust that God has a purpose and that His blessing is waiting right around the corner.
Ya know, it always drives me crazy when people complain about the weather. It seems that some people just can't be pleased. If it's winter, they hate the cold, if its spring they hate the rain, if its summer, its too hot, and if its fall, winter is right around the corner. Sure, there are not so pleasant things about all of the seasons, but in focusing on that, we miss the beauty that God has given us to enjoy in each one. There is little that is more beautiful than watching snow fall from the warmth of a house full of people you love, and I love the smell of rain in the spring as the flowers are starting to poke through the dirt and the trees get a green haze, and the feeling of walking out into the sunshine in the summer and letting it soak into your skin, and then seeing all the radiance of God's creation in the fall.
So I have to ask myself this question. Am I missing the beauty of the season of life that I am in because all I can focus on is the parts of it I don't like? This is definitely something I am going to be pondering in the coming weeks, and I am going to do my best to focus on all the blessings that God is showering on me through this time. I am going to enjoy the beauty that is right in front of me and know that when the rain falls, its only because God is getting ready to make the flowers bloom in my life.
God Bless! I would love to hear about the seasons of life that God has you in right now and how He is blessing you through it! It would be such an encouragement to me! Please share!
Thanks so much for reading!

I'm back!

Hey All!
I know I have totally slacked off on writing! To be honest, I haven't had much creative energy lately. There has been A LOT going on in my life! I thought I would just give y'all a brief update.
As far as the house goes, it has not sold yet. We are still here and really are still unsure of what our plan is. We are supposed to talk to a lender this week. If we are unable to get financed for a house, our options are to rent an apartment, or to stay here and keep renting, or find another house to rent. Everything is up in the air. God has us in a place of waiting yet again! Ya know, I have always lacked in the area of patience. I guess I have always been a little spoiled with a want it now, have it now kind of lifestyle. I have asked God for patience, and whenever you ask God to grow you, you better be ready! The thing that stinks the most about learning patience is that you have to practice it A LOT to get better at it! So I feel like my patience is being tested in so many areas of my life. I just want to say, "Okay God, I get it! Can we just move on??" But I guess that in itself proves that I haven't truly learned my lesson yet! Oh boy....
I truly can't complain though. God is so good, and I have so much joy and peace in my life. That is not to say that I don't get upset or stressed, but always underneath it all there is a reassurance that God is so good and unchanging. I can rest in that truth!
Well, since the last time I have written I started a part time job, as well as helping out in Awanas at church and participating in a women's Bible study. All of this, needless to say, has made my life really busy and has completely changed my shedule. It's been a rather large adjustment, but it has been a postive thing. Our life has been forced to become a lot more stuctured. It's amazing how when you have less time, you tend to use the time you do have more wisely.
I want to start blogging more again. I need to just sit down and do it. It is hard to find a time when I can really sit and think without distraction. Even now Lex is starting to get fussy and hanging on me...lol. I guess that is my cue to go. Lex has decided to give up her morning nap, which is great and a bummer at the same time. Great because I get more time with her in the morning and becasue I can go do stuff if I need to, but a bummer because the little bit of time I did have to myself and to get stuff done during the day is gone. Oh well....such is life. As soon as you think you are getting things figured out, they change! I guess that is the way God created it to be. That way I always have to rely on Him, and never think that I can rely on myself.
Well, have a great day all! Hopefully I can write again soon!
God Bless!
~Carli~

It's Not About Me

Hello to all my wonderful friends who take the time to read this blog!

I wanted you all to know that I am so grateful for all the feedback I have gotten! Please leave your comments and feedback either on here, or Facebook, or you can always email me @ cowgirlmommy787@hotmail.com.
I have been wanting so badly to do something for the Lord, and I am kinda starting to feel like this might be part of my ministry. I have been so encouraged by those of you who leave your comments, and those of you who have told me in person that you have read my posts. Even if the only thing I accomplish in this blog is to give God the honor and the glory He deserves for the things He has done in MY life, then I feel like that is enough, but I do pray though that He can reach all of YOU through my words also! I want so badly to be a vessel for the Lord! It would SOOO bless me to know that He would choose to use me to relate to one of you or to really touch on something that you are going through!
I was thinking about all of this earlier, and I was thinking about how much pleasure it has given me to write about the things that God has laid on my heart! It brings me so much more joy than I ever could've imagined! All that being said though, I wanted to make sure that you all knew that this isn't about me! If this ever becomes about me, I know that it won't be worth writing anymore. I pray every time that I write that I will be filled with humility and that pride will never interfere with how God wants to use me.
As I said in my last post, I am more aware of my sinful state of being and my imperfections now than I ever have been in my life. As I grow, more and more of God's light shines into my heart and reveals all the grime that is really there. It is certainly a humbling experience! I am almost fearful of telling you all about how I am growing for fear that you will think that it is my pride speaking. PLEASE KNOW that everything I say comes out of a heart of complete humility! Ephesians 2:4-5 says, "⁴But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. " and then it goes on to say, "⁸For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹not by works, so that no one can boast. " Nothing I did or can do will get me into Heaven, or even out of my own sin! It is almost embarrassing that God would choose me for this mission of writing to you all. I feel extremely inadequate. I struggle with worrying that my words will fall flat, or be taken offensively, or won't even be read in the first place. I worry that I am going to say the wrong thing or reveal too much about myself or not do the Lord justice for all He has done for me. I feel like I can relate to Moses a little. "God, why would you want to use me? I am filled with the most foolish of all follishness! I am so unworthy!" I honestly feel this way every time I sit down in front of the computer to write. I know that my spelling is probably horrible, and my grammar would make my high school English teacher shake her head in disappointment! I AM so unworthy of this task! I don't know WHY God has called me to it! I am just trying to do my best to obey. I have never had to struggle too much with my pride. I have actually struggled a whole lot more with seeing my worth in Christ than I ever have with my pride, but occasionally the Devil will get sneaky and start whispering things in my ear. A few of you have so graciously encouraged me and complimented me, and in those moments, sometimes I have to double check myself to make sure my pride and my head don't start to swell a little. The truth is though, all I have to do is remind myself that without Christ, I would have nothing, and I would be nothing. He is my everything, and the only reason I am anything is because He is alive in me. I know myself. I know my fleshly heart and I would just about die if you all could see my thoughts, intentions, or motivations sometimes. They are truly shameful. Everything that is good in me comes from the Lord, and I am just ABSOLUTELY grateful that He sees fit to work in me and through me! It is the most exciting and invigorating thing I have ever experienced! I am absolutely overwhelmed by Him! The outpouring of grace and forgiveness that I receive on a daily basis is more than I can wrap my head around! So I just wanted you to know where I am coming from. I wanted you to know that if I have ever sounded prideful that that is not my heart. I am just a struggling Christian who is longing for a closer relationship with my most amazing and awesome Heavenly Father! Every day I mess up, and every day I have to ask for forgiveness, usual for the same things I asked to be forgiven for yesterday! I just can't help but smile though when I think of how willing and quick God is to forgive me and to offer me another chance, and I just can't help but share it with all of you. I hope SO MUCH that each of you can experience the love of Christ as I have been able to in the past few months. Words really can't even do justice to it. I am again reminded of a worship song. The lyrics say something like, It's all about you Jesus And all this is for you For your glory and your fame It's not about me As if you should do things my way You alone are God And I surrender to your will That is how I feel! It's not about me! I NEVER want it to be about me again, because honestly, I was MISERABLE when life was about me. For some reason, we always think that we will be happier when life is about us, but I can tell you from experience that true joy and peace is found in surrendering your life to Christ. There is nothing like it! I want to leave you with a few verses that I am sure you are all familiar with, but they are still a great reminder.
Galatians 6:14
"May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world."
Proverbs 11:2
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."
Proverbs 18:12
"Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor."

Lord I pray that you keep me humble, because I know the more pride I have, the harder my fall will be when you finally do decide to humble me. I don't want to have to fall hard to have your humility and grace! Please remind me every day of what your word says, and of my need for you! James 1:17 "Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow." The good in my life is not from me Lord, but from You and You alone! Thank you for Your goodness and for sharing it with me! In Jesus precious name, AMEN

Thanks so much for reading! I pray that God will bless your lives as richly as He has blessed mine and that you will really feel His presence and feel Him working in your life! God Bless you all!

My Call to Action

Morning all!
I have been reading through the book of James, and this morning I came across a verse that really convicted me. I love the book of James! Everyday, God really speaks to me through that piece of scripture. I have read through it before, and I will be sure to read through it again, but this time through I just seem to be able to relate to it more than I ever have before.
So, as I said when I started this blog, I wanted to share about all the things God is teaching me. It has seemed like in the past year, we have just been hit with one stress after another. As soon as one thing looks like it is finally getting better, we get hit with something else.
Now I realize that when you look at the things that have happened in my life and compare them to the pain that so many other people face, it may not seem like I much to deal with. And you know what? You are absolutely right. I recently received an email asking for prayer for a family who was about to lose their nine year old little boy to cancer. The mother had written an entry in her journal that day that they had included in the email. All through her entry, she was finding things to praise God for. What strength. That precious lady has so much more faith than I do. So when I think about situations like that, it definitely puts things into perspective for me. However, in my own life, though my struggles are so different, there have been times that I have felt that they would swallow me alive! I have literally said to God " I can't handle anything else Lord!". "Please don't put anything else on my plate, because I may just crumble under the pressure." It has all felt too big for me to handle. And maybe it is too big for me, but it's not too big for God. He has gotten me through and has made me so much stronger. I am so grateful to have grown.
Ya know, the funny thing about growing closer to God, is the closer we get to Him, the more we see our own weaknesses and shortcomings. God's light starts shining in those deep dark corners of our lives where we like to hide things and try to hang on to them for just a little while longer. I know for me, it's the place where I tuck away all those convictions that I don't want to think about or deal with. I put them in the back of my mind and say to myself, "I'll deal with that later".
As I have been spending more time with the Lord, and as He has been teaching me, there is one specific phrase that I feel has continually been spoken to my soul. It is so clear and specific that it almost makes me want to hide out of shame, like Adam did in the garden. "What are you doing in your life that has eternal value?" That is the sentence that I have felt spoken to me over and over again in the past months. The reason I feel ashamed is because my answer is not one that I am proud to report. "Not much Lord, not much", is all I can think. I think about all the running around I do and how busy I am. I think about all the time that I waste, and then I think about how much of it I actually use to do things that will have any affect on eternity. It's a sobering thought to me as a Christian. The things that keep me so busy aren't necessarily wrong, but if they keep me from doing the things that I was put on this earth to do, that is when they become a problem. I have always felt like I could live out my testimony through my actions and my choices, and in some ways I have and I do, but is that really enough? Aren't we called as Christians to be outspoken about the love of Christ? Are we living in a time when we can really afford to put it off any longer? I have always struggled with vocally sharing the Gospel with others. I'm so afraid I'm going to do it wrong or turn people away. What I need to realize though, is that my calling is not to do it perfectly, or to even do it right. I just have to share how God has worked in my life, and what He has done for me, and the rest is up to Him!
In the 4th chapter of James, it talks about not boasting about tomorrow, because we don't know what it will bring. We don't know how long we have. We don't even know for sure that we will have tomorrow. In the same paragraph, verse 17 to be exact, it says this,
"Anyone then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."
Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks! How many times have I been convicted about something, and put it off or have pushed it out of my mind either out of fear or laziness. How many times have I missed opportunities that God had for me to serve or to witness because I was too busy to listen. The Bible clearly states that that is SIN. Not only is doing the WRONG thing sin, but not doing ANYTHING is sin too! God hates complacency. Revelation 3:16 says "So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew you out of my mouth." There is no more time to wait! Just cruising through life is not pleasing to God. He wants more for us and from us! The time to act for God is NOW. I DO NOT want to stand before my Heavenly Father one day, knowing all that He did for me, and knowing that I didn't share that with every person that I could!
Here is a quote by Charles Spurgeon (that I stole from my Aunt Marci's blog) that really says it all.
"If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to hell over our bodies. And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms around their knees, imploring them to stay. If hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for. - C.H. Spurgeon.
Hell is a real place. I know its hard to think about. No one wants to think about dying or what hell will be like, but death is a reality we will all face, and Hell is a reality that all of those who don't come to Christ will certainly face as well.
So here is my call to action. I need to be constantly aware of the spiritual need in our world (which is very great I might add), and of those people that I come into contact with everyday. I know that I am given opportunities on a daily basis to show someone the love of Christ, either through my words or my actions. I must seize every opportunity! I must put my fear behind me and step out in faith, so that one day when I stand before my gracious Heavenly Father, that I know I did everything I could to let others know about the reality of Heaven and Hell, and the reality of God our Creator who surpasses anything we could ever conceive or imagine. I have been given such a precious gift in Christ. I don't want to be selfish enough to keep it to myself after all I have been given.
I love this song by Brandon Heath. I want to make this my prayer. It's something to think about Christians. Please pray for me, that I can focus on the things in my life that do have eternal value and that I don't forget and get caught up in all the busyness of things that really don't matter. I don't want to waste any more time! I don't want to miss another opportunity to share the love of Christ with someone. I don't want another person in my life to be able to look at me when we reach the crossroads between Heaven and Hell and say "Why didn't you tell me?" "Why didn't you offer me the Salvation that you had all along", because at that point, it will be too late. There will be no going back. We still have today. God is giving us today to do the work that He laid out for us. Don't wait any longer. The Lord will return one day soon, and I want His harvest to be ripe and ready!
Lord,
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I've been missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
Ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see!
AMEN!
Thanks all for reading. I am certainly preaching to myself here and hope that you all can and will pray for me as I strive to become who Christ wants me to be and do all the things I know He has called me to do!
God Bless!
Love,
~Carli~

My Spiritual Revolution

Well, this isn't going to be a super exciting post I don't think, but I wanted to give an update on everything that has been going on lately.
As, far as the house goes, the landlords came, and the house is officially on the market. We have already had one showing, and another one is scheduled for this evening. It's kinda surprising how much attention the house is getting! Even the listing Realtor seems surprised. The house is actually a little overpriced compared to a lot of other houses on the market that are similar to it, so we'll see what happens. We are obviously allowed to stay until the completion of our lease, which is actually December 31st not December 1st like I had originally thought. The house is only listed until December. If it doesn't sell, they will pull it off the market until spring. If we want to continue to stay after our lease is up, we will probably rent month to month. We are not sure what we are going to do yet. We have actually been looking at houses online and have found a lot in our price range! We just really need to sit and talk to some people and see if we can get financed. Prayer for guidance and discernment in this area would be much appreciated!
I am still sad that we will be leaving. I am coming to terms with it though. I have actually found myself getting excited about all the possibilities in our future.
The most frustrating part of this whole thing right now is that I feel like I am doing all the work to sell this house (Well, Matt and I). Every time the house gets shown, I have to clean it, and then be gone while they are showing it. I have been trying to keep things clean so that I don't have to scramble every time I find out that there is a showing, but it is a challenge. The realty company only has to give me 24 hours notice, so if my house isn't clean, I have to drop everything and make it presentable enough to show. I am doing all of this, and the only thing the actual owners of the house have to do is sit and wait. It really coudn't have worked out any better for them. It hasn't been too bad so far, but we have also only had one showing.
The other morning, I got a phone call from the listing realtor, (who in her defense has been very kind). Apparently the realty company had been trying to get a hold of me to schedule a showing for that morning at 11:45, and I hadn't realized it. No one told me I would be receiving any calls from them, and I don't generally answer numbers I don't recognize. So anyway, it was about 8:30am at the time. I told them that I wasn't gonna be able to be ready by 11:45!! I hadn't even recovered my house from Lexi's party yet!! Well, I guess they couldn't work it in any other time, so I had to jump up and run around like a wild woman to get the entire house clean in 3 hours! I was feeling extremely frustrated. All I wanted to do was hang out with Lexi and just take a day off after being soooo busy for weeks! But I couldn't. Instead I had to clean the house for people that I didn't even want at my house anyway!!! Grrrr!
I think that this situation alone wasn't what was bothering me. It's just been everything combined. I feel like I have no control over anything. I feel like I can't even feel comfortable in my own home because I have to worry about keeping it spotless for showings. They get to disrupt my life whenever they feel like it to come walk through every room of my house when I am not even home. I feel like I have no control over my privacy either. Your house is supposed to be a place where you can keep your personal things and parts of your life that you don't necessarily want to share with everyone, but not anymore. The realtor informed me that they would most likely be opening cabinets, closets, and drawers. I get that they want to see the house, but its just frustrating to know that complete strangers could be rummaging through my cupboards, and I can't do a thing about it. I realize that most people will be respectful, but it still leaves me feeling terribly exposed, and I don't like it!
So I just started crying. Exhaustion, stress, and frustration were overwhelming me. I started praying. I was so angry! I wasn't mad at God, but I WAS mad at my circumstances, and the only thing I could think to do was pray. As I was praying, I just started expressing to God everything I was feeling. I knew my feelings were ugly, and a lot of bitterness came pouring out, but that is what I love about my God. I don't have to pretend. I can tell Him about everything I'm feeling and thinking! And it was so amazing, because as all that ugly poured out, God started filling my heart with peace. Tears were just streaming down my face, no longer because I was angry, but because I was grateful. I was so grateful that even when I feel like I am hitting rock bottom, God is there. I was grateful because He is able to turn every situation in my life that feels negative into something that I can look back at and thank Him for! I was grateful because, my God, the God of this massive universe, the same God that is greiving over the spritiual state of our world, and is dealing with problems much bigger than mine, cared. God cared enough about Carli to be there with me in that moment where I felt so helpless and so frustrated. His love and His presence were so overwhelming to me right then.
One thing that has been so cool about what I've been going through lately, is the way I have been hearing from God. Sometimes the things that He speaks to my heart are so clear that they could almost be audible! A verse from James came to my mind as I was praying, and I knew it was from God.
^"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4
This verse spoke so directly to what I was/am going through. I memorized that verse as a child, and it was tucked away somewhere in a dusty corner of my mind. God drew it out at a time when He knew I needed it so badly. I couldn't help but think about how much God has been teaching me, and how I AM learning perserverance! I have always been able to admit that I am not a very patient person, and God is growing me in that area for sure! It also brings to mind a verse that I have posted on my fridge.
Phillipians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus."
To think that God is completing me and perfecting me was such an awesome thought! There IS a purpose for all of these trials I have been facing, and the purpose is much bigger than the surface lessons that I have been learning (though those are important too). i had known that all along in my head, but for the first time I felt its absolute truth in my heart. God is maturing me, perfecting me, and completing me!!! WOW! It really brought to life for me what it means to be God's handywork! God cares so much for me that He is personally investing in me! Once I came to this realization, I not only had incredible peace, but so much JOY!!! God is making me unshakable! Not in my own strength, but in HIS! That is so exciting to me. I have always felt so weak. I have felt like other people's opinions of me have controlled much of my life. i have felt that circumstances had the power to turn me upside down. To think that I have the strength within me to overcome ALL of these things was a revolutionary thought to me!
What an important moment that was in my life. Thank God that He cares about me enough to allow me to go through challenges in my life so that I can be made complete in Him! I am at a point right now that I can honestly and genuinly say that I am absolutely grateful to be facing every trial in my life right now, and I am ready for God to use me and take me wherever He sees fit.
This is only the beginning of my journey, and I am so excited to see where God is going to take me. I am so ready to be used by Him! It is so exciting to be trusting and living on faith day to day. God isn't finished with me yet. He will continue the good work that He started in me when I was just 6 years old at a Billy Graham conference. I know that as long as I am listening, and as long as my heart is willing and waiting to hear from Him, every day will be a revolution! A spiritual revolution that will begin within me, and hopefully spill out and spread to all those around me, so that my life will have made an eternal difference in this very lost and dying world.
Thanks so much for reading! May God Bless each of you the way He has blessed me!
~Carli~