Kids Don't Have a Pause Button

Proverbs 31:28
Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her.


Hope you all got to have a great Father's Day weekend with the men in your life! It really is such a special day. Father's play such an important role in a child's life and a good father is such an irreplaceable treasure! I know, at least for me, that it is so easy to take them for granted and not tell them nearly enough how much we appreciate not only all they do for us, but WHO they are FOR us! I consider myself so blessed to be able to say that I had/have a wonderful dad, and I also married a man who became an amazing father!


So yesterday (on Father's Day) I was making a desperate attempt to uphold what has become our yearly tradition of a Father's day photo of Lexi and her daddy. I even had them dress in coordinating outfits for the best possible picture outcome! Unfortunately, her plans for the moment included no such picture. For one, she was being extremely partial to mommy yesterday morning (for whatever reason?), so at first she screamed for me the entire time I was trying to take a picture (didn't make for such a great Father's day photo...lol). Then, she decided she was too busy for EITHER of us and started running in circles around the lobby of the church. I figured, well at least she's happy, maybe let her burn some energy and THEN we can snap a quick shot of her and daddy. She ran and ran and squealed and jumped! Fortunately my husband wasn't easily deterred by her opposition to him, and he started chasing her and playing with her. I was taking picture after picture trying to capture the moment, and trying to get at least one shot the didn't look like a little turquoise blur flying across the frame of the picture! As I started pleading with her to stand still for even just 5 seconds, a friend who was watching all this unfold, snickered and said "Kids don't have a pause button do they?" My reply was "NO!! Definitely not! And they don't have a mute button either!" We both giggled over that a little, but as I watched my precious little girl run around and play with her daddy, the reality of his statement hit me like a brick.


Children do not have a pause button. I can't pause her long enough to even take her picture, and I surely can't pause her long enough to not let grow up on me while my life gets busy.She won't wait on me to make the time for her. I think back on the last two years and I can't even fathom how quickly that time has gone by. It seems like every day now Lexi is saying a new word, or doing something that I had no idea she knew how to do. She is getting big, growing up, and quickly leaving her babyhood behind. It is probably the most bittersweet experience I have ever been through. Each new stage brings so much joy (and sometimes so many trials! lol), and yet it is heartbreaking at the same time! Before having my own child, I never could have imagined what hearing her little voice speak a new word for the first time would do to my heart. I would've thought it crazy to get as I excited as I do when I watch her explore and learn new things. Even the smallest accomplishment seems like the greatest achievement when it is YOUR child!


Isn't it so amazing how God can use something so small and seemingly insignificant to remind us of what is important in life and to change our perspective. God has really been convicting me lately about what it means to be the mommy that I need to be for my sweet girl. He is constantly revealing to me that I CAN NOT do it on my own. I need to be daily seeking His guidance in raising her and in directing her, and he used the innocent statement from a friend to remind me that my time with her is precious. It forced make me ask myself the question, "Am I really making the most of every moment?" Do I savor her and cherish her and relish in the fact that she is everything that she is in this very minute? She is a gift from God Himself! Do I treat her as such?


Before I had kids, I was the person that always thought I would have it all together as a parent. I knew exactly how I would discipline, exactly how I would praise, and if I did everything just right my toddler would NOT be the fit throwing "brat" you see in the mall. They would be sweet and polite and well behaved! I just KNEW that I could accomplish this with my superior parenting plan. I would defiantly scoff at the parents whose kids were laying on the ground having a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store and firmly state that my child would NEVER act that way! Hahahahahaha!!! Guess what folks? That is called pride, and the Bible clearly states that if we carry pride with us as a Child of God, He will quickly find a way to humble us.


I stand before you today a humbled woman. Sometimes I joke that God is paying me back for every time I ever judged another parent! Lol... I don't believe that is the way God really works, but I do believe He is teaching me in His kind and loving way, that my judgemental attitude was totally wrong and off base. I have actually LEFT a store in the middle of my shopping because Lexi was throwing such a ridiculous tantrum that it would actually be RUDE to stay. I am now that parent on the receiving end of the pity glances from other parents who have "been there, done that" and the dirty looks from the people that just have no clue, the people that I used to be!!!! Oh, I am so sorry to every mom I ever judged! I truly was ignorant! There is no way to describe the absolute humiliation of having to leave a store because your child's screaming volume has reached such a decibel that your afraid of causing permanent hearing loss in your fellow shoppers (or at least a severe headache). It is in those moments of feeling purely horrified that God has brought back all my haughty words and ugly attitudes to mind, and then humbled my once very prideful heart!


I KNOW that God is using Lexi to teach me such a valuable lesson. If she had fit my perfect mold of what I was expecting, and if she was falling right into my "infallible" plan for parenting, then I would be stealing all the glory of raising her from the Lord and keeping it for myself. His strength is perfected in my weakness, and I know that I can credit Him for any good in her because there are many times I feel like the blind leading the blind when it comes to parenting her.


I said all of this because all of the struggles I have had in my short time as a parent bring me back to the same point. I catch myself wishing sometimes that certain struggles that I have with her will pass quickly, that she will outgrow this stage that is so difficult. The truth is though, that even though she may outgrow certain challenges, they will be replaced with new and different ones, and every time she outgrows a stage and all its hardships, she also outgrows precious moments of her childhood that neither she, nor I will ever get back.


So I want to challenge myself, and all my Mommy friends out there who so graciously took the time to read this. I know for a fact that at every stage, our kids can be so hard. They can be exhausting, and trying, and they will sometimes challenge everything we thought we knew about being a parent, but please be careful not to wish away their childhood! And please don't let life consume you to the point that all of the sudden your infant is in elementary school, or your toddler is leaving for college and you realize that so much of that precious time was wasted. I think back to how many times Lexi has come to me with a book or a toy, and I brush her aside and say "Mommy is busy Lex, go play". Just typing those words makes my stomach ill. God has placed this most fragile and wonderful gift in my hands, and in that moment I am saying that I am too busy to nurture and to cherish her. I pray that I will NEVER allow housework or errands or just the plain old busyness of life to get in the way of purposefully living out the one of the most important roles I will ever have the opportunity to play. I am a mommy before I am a housemaid, an employee, a servant, and even before I am a friend. Please don't think I am devaluing any of those roles that we may play as women. I believe that each of those things are valuable and important, but we will never make more of an impact in the world than we will in our own home. Our mission to "Go ye therefore, and teach all nations" starts underneath our own roof, with the people that God has so meticulously placed in our life and in our care as a wife and as a mom.


Kids don't have a pause button. The best hope we will ever have of freezing them in time is capturing a snapshot or a video, and then months and years later looking back and trying to remember all the sweetness that that moment held. We don't have a parental remote! We can't turn down the volume, hit the mute button, or skip the parts we don't like. We can't control how quickly they grow up, and we certainly can never go back. Once a moment, an hour, or a day is gone, it is gone for good. We never get to go back and relive that time with our kids. Hug them, love them, listen to them! When they just HAVE to tell you a story or want to read a book, take a moment to weigh what is more valuable. Do the dishes HAVE to be finished right this second? Can your friend wait an extra three minutes at the park so that you can really listen to what your child has to say? I know we all still have to live life. That is part of being a mom. We have to figure out that delicate balance of having so much responsibility and just letting go and spending time with our kids, but I think society has taught us that all of the other overwhelming responsibilities of womanhood often outweigh the importance of motherhood. I truly believe that that is NOT the way God designed us to be. We are first HIS children, then our husbands wife, and then a mother to the children he gave us. All those other things in life will wait, but our kids won't.


Our challenge as moms is greater than it has ever been. This world is fighting tooth and nail to rip our families apart, to turn our kids heart's against God and away from us, and to keep us from being the woman that HE has called us to be for our family. Be on your knees! Plead for the hearts of your kids, and then be there for the defining moments that God will use you to shape their lives. Show up to those spiritual appointments, those precious teaching moments when God will use you to impact your child in ways that no one else ever could. We need to treat EVERY moment as if it IS that moment. Challenge yourself to cherish and make the most of the short time you have with your kids, and please pray for me as I challenge myself to do the same.
Live, laugh, cry, hug, listen, tickle, kiss, squeeze, and love every ounce of the childhood in your kids. There may be no rewind, but if we live this way, there can also be no regrets. We can look back one day as empty nesters and stand before our Almighty God with a peace of knowing that we did it His way.


God Bless friends! Comments and feedback are always so appreciated! Please if you read this, I would love to hear from you! Thank you for sharing in my struggles and joining with me to become the women and children of God that He has called us to be!

The "New" OLD House

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Hello All!!
I'm back from all the months of being lost in the whirlwind of life. Many noteworthy events have come to pass in the months since I've written last! Some frustrating and some exciting, but all have been lessons God has used to teach me about what truly matters.
It never ceases to amaze me how much life can change in such a short period of time. I don't want to bore you with a lengthy telling of my life since September, so I'll try to recap briefly.
Since my last post we spent one insane week moving from our house in Sunbury to our new place of residence in Centerburg. Unfortunately, we had to move our stuff three different places because our house was having repairs done and wasn't ready to move into. I'm not gonna lie, it was one of the most stressful, exhausting, and frustrating weeks of my life! I have no idea why this particular move was so torturous, but it was! ( I can kinda giggle about it now at least)
After all THAT craziness, we moved in with my parents for about a month while waiting for our house to be ready. They were so gracious to us, and we really did enjoy the time we were able to spend with them.
Then, in the beginning of December we FINALLY got to move in (like 2 weeks after we were originally supposed too). Of course Christmas and New Years followed, and all the busyness and festivities that come with the holidays.
In March, more big news came about as we found out we are expecting our second child! This came as a shock at first but we are so excited to welcome a new little one into our family!
Slowly, we started getting our house put together and began to settle into a new stage of life. For those of you who have read my older posts, you know how devastated I was about leaving our other house. At the time, I felt like I was giving up so much, and I felt as if things were just not going to be the same. I felt like I was giving up a peice of our future. Looking back, It amazes me how little it matters now. Though I miss parts of it, like my big yard and having space for my animals, the sentimental attachment I thought I had to it is nowhere to be found. Whether God just took it from me, or it was never really as strong as I thought it was to begin with, I'm not sure. It's just not there. I look back fondly on the memories we have there and that's about it. I am not sorry to have moved on.
Living in this "new" house HAS been of an adjustment, don't get me wrong. This house is MUCH older and much smaller. It was built in the early 1800's, and at first glance you may even think it to be older than that! The porch is sinking really bad on one side, the old yellow paint is peeling of the wooden siding, and the whole house is so crooked that one of my kitchen drawers won't even stay closed. I have a lot less storage and a lot more dust. It truly is a RENTAL house. Old yucky carpet, cracks in the ceiling and walls, and major lack of sufficient electrical outlets are just the beginning of the things that are now an annoying part of our every day life.
There are times when I look around and think, "It's not so bad here." We have done our best to make it our home, and it is definitely better than when we moved in. I struggle daily though, with my attitude concerning this topic. My flesh and my pride scream at me every time I try to make it look really clean (and can't) or try to put things away that there just simple isn't enough storage space for! I get grumpy and frustrated. I usually am able to quickly retrieve my wayward thoughts and keep them from getting too out of control by finding things to be grateful for, but as I said, it's a struggle.
A lot of it goes back to my vanity. I know it does. See, I'll reveal another part of myself that I'm not real proud of. When I'm being completely honest and open, I have to admit that I SO desperately want my life to look put together on the outside. I WANT that nice little house with a neat yard, and a nice family car parked in the drive. I want to be that girl that always looks put together, who is trim and fit and has great hair. I want to always know the right thing to say. I want to be smart and witty, and yet humble and compassionate. I want to be the girl that everyone sees and thinks "Wow! I wonder how she does it?"
Ok, so basically, I want to be perfect! Haha...don't we all? The issue is that I am making life all about me. I am not condoning this, but admitting that I struggle with it in hopes you can relate and we can encourage each other. God has NOTcalled me to be perfect, and I know living my life trying to acheive that is ultimately not going to be pleasing to Him. The problem starts when I start SO desiring to have this perfect image, that it becomes more important than my desire to be reflecting the image of Christ.
I AM a perfectionist. You would never know it if you walked in my house right now and saw the piles of laundry on my dining room table, the dirt that needs swept off my stairs, and the pile of dishes in my sink, but deep down, I truly do wish I could have the life of "that girl" that just has it all together. This just about kills me sometimes! Trying to maintain that image is exhausting! And when I think my cover is going to be blown and that someone is going to see my life for the way it really is (as in when my dear husband invites someone over without telling me and my house is a disaster!) I PANIC!! It is much too stressful to try to keep up that perfect appearance, especially when your life looks like mine! lol.... My house is not much to speak of, my car is literally falling apart on the outside, my personal appearance is usually a far cry from what I would consider attractive, and now my child now has taken on the hobby of throwing fits in public! It's almost comical I know! I am SO far from that "perfection" that I feel is so important for me to achieve, and yet getting there feels so far out of reach.
So what are my options? The way I see it I have 3 of them. I either figure out a way to be perfect, I just give up and decide I don't care what my life looks like, or I seek God and trust that if I prioritize Him that all the rest will fall into place according to His will and His glory. There is such a valuable lesson here. I am still learning it every day.
See, I have lived a rather privileged life. I think just living in the good ole U.S. of A. gives us a bit of a sense of entitlement, but also I grew up never knowing what it was like to have needs (or usually even desires) go unmet. My parents worked hard, and they provided us with everything we ever could've wanted. "No" was not something we heard a whole lot of. Yes, of course they protected us, and they helped us make good choices, but we were the kids who had everything! Though I would like be able to say that this didn't spoil me, it did, at least a little. I grew up a grateful kid, don't get me wrong, but when you always "have", it's easy to start to take it for granted.
Now I am in a position where I can't have everything I want when I want it. Many of my dreams and desires have to be put on hold, some of them maybe never to be reached, and I guess it is a bit of a reality check to my rather spoiled lifestyle. I guess the problem with having everything is that it is much too easy to start forgetting about God. When you feel as if you can provide for yourself, then the need for a gracious Savior starts to fade away.
God has been teaching me so much through these past few months! I know I say that in every post, but that is the whole point of my blog! I am learning how to find good in a situation that, to my flesh, doesn't feel very pleasing. I am learning what it truly means to be content! I am learning that who I appear to be should be merely the shadow that is cast off from the light of God shining on my life. I truly CAN have internal peace about who I am. Who I am is SOO much more than my house, and my car, and my appearance. All of those things will fade and can be gone so quick, but the peace that passes all understanding from my Creator who resides in my heart, that is what is lasting. HE is the provider of all my needs! HE is the source of my joy!
What a revelation! So simple, yet so stunningly beautiful. As a Christian, we are taught over and over again how things aren't important and how our hearts can never be satisfied by them, but how often do we still try? How often do we try to fill those voids in our hearts with something other than God Himself? It is so easy to do, and often we don't even realize we've done it until our hearts are crying out that they are hungry for more.
I've given you a long list of all the things about this house that I don't like, let me tell you some of the things that I have found to be a gift.
I never thought I'd say this, but I actually like living in town. I can honestly say I am enjoying the small town life. It is so convenient to have everything in walking distance. We nice big trees in our yard and nice neighbors. We love going on long walks around town and sitting on our porch soaking up the warm evenings filled with the smell of bbq on the grill and kids out playing in their yards. Our house, though rather ancient, is filled with history and charm. It has 200 year old hard wood floor, 10 foot ceilings, and thick crown molding in almost every room. I have a first floor laundry room, and an attic to tuck things out of the way. The walls are now covered in pictures of our family and our life, and every room has a personal touch that makes it feel just a little more like home.
Ya know, the best parts about this house really have nothing to do with wood or walls. The best parts are the people who gather under this roof every night, the laughs that we share and the memories that we make, the burdens that we bear for each other, and the prayers that are lifted to the Father from our table at dinner time. They are the stories that are read over and over again and squeals from a cute little girl when her daddy gets home from work. Those are the things that are precious under this roof. Those are the things that I hold dear to my heart. Those are the things that I love about this "new" old house.
That is the same way it is with me, and to all of my Christian friends, you too. God has made me new. He has cleansed me and made me clean and beautiful inside. The outside is not what I wish it was, but my new self lives in an old house. That's just the way it is, at least until we get to Heaven. I may not be physically old yet, but this house is gonna crumble one day. The paint is gonna peel and foundation is gonna lean. My body is so temporary, and just like my old rental we live in, it is only a temporary residence for my soul. Just as we hope to leave this place one day in the not too distant future, my soul will leave my body and my body will be no more.
I pray that if you have ever struggled like I do, that this can give you hope and encouragement. I am so grateful to be in this place in my life, even if just for the reason that I am learning that my joy comes only from the Lord! It is the most freeing thing in the world to learn that no earthly thing can determine the outlook of my heart! No circumstances can steal what Christ has given to me!
I live in an old house, but its a "new" old house to me, and I'm determined to enjoy every day God gives me here!
Thanks for reading! I would love your feedback, comments, stories.... They mean so much to me!
God Bless all! I will try not to disappear for so long this time!