My Spiritual Revolution

Well, this isn't going to be a super exciting post I don't think, but I wanted to give an update on everything that has been going on lately.
As, far as the house goes, the landlords came, and the house is officially on the market. We have already had one showing, and another one is scheduled for this evening. It's kinda surprising how much attention the house is getting! Even the listing Realtor seems surprised. The house is actually a little overpriced compared to a lot of other houses on the market that are similar to it, so we'll see what happens. We are obviously allowed to stay until the completion of our lease, which is actually December 31st not December 1st like I had originally thought. The house is only listed until December. If it doesn't sell, they will pull it off the market until spring. If we want to continue to stay after our lease is up, we will probably rent month to month. We are not sure what we are going to do yet. We have actually been looking at houses online and have found a lot in our price range! We just really need to sit and talk to some people and see if we can get financed. Prayer for guidance and discernment in this area would be much appreciated!
I am still sad that we will be leaving. I am coming to terms with it though. I have actually found myself getting excited about all the possibilities in our future.
The most frustrating part of this whole thing right now is that I feel like I am doing all the work to sell this house (Well, Matt and I). Every time the house gets shown, I have to clean it, and then be gone while they are showing it. I have been trying to keep things clean so that I don't have to scramble every time I find out that there is a showing, but it is a challenge. The realty company only has to give me 24 hours notice, so if my house isn't clean, I have to drop everything and make it presentable enough to show. I am doing all of this, and the only thing the actual owners of the house have to do is sit and wait. It really coudn't have worked out any better for them. It hasn't been too bad so far, but we have also only had one showing.
The other morning, I got a phone call from the listing realtor, (who in her defense has been very kind). Apparently the realty company had been trying to get a hold of me to schedule a showing for that morning at 11:45, and I hadn't realized it. No one told me I would be receiving any calls from them, and I don't generally answer numbers I don't recognize. So anyway, it was about 8:30am at the time. I told them that I wasn't gonna be able to be ready by 11:45!! I hadn't even recovered my house from Lexi's party yet!! Well, I guess they couldn't work it in any other time, so I had to jump up and run around like a wild woman to get the entire house clean in 3 hours! I was feeling extremely frustrated. All I wanted to do was hang out with Lexi and just take a day off after being soooo busy for weeks! But I couldn't. Instead I had to clean the house for people that I didn't even want at my house anyway!!! Grrrr!
I think that this situation alone wasn't what was bothering me. It's just been everything combined. I feel like I have no control over anything. I feel like I can't even feel comfortable in my own home because I have to worry about keeping it spotless for showings. They get to disrupt my life whenever they feel like it to come walk through every room of my house when I am not even home. I feel like I have no control over my privacy either. Your house is supposed to be a place where you can keep your personal things and parts of your life that you don't necessarily want to share with everyone, but not anymore. The realtor informed me that they would most likely be opening cabinets, closets, and drawers. I get that they want to see the house, but its just frustrating to know that complete strangers could be rummaging through my cupboards, and I can't do a thing about it. I realize that most people will be respectful, but it still leaves me feeling terribly exposed, and I don't like it!
So I just started crying. Exhaustion, stress, and frustration were overwhelming me. I started praying. I was so angry! I wasn't mad at God, but I WAS mad at my circumstances, and the only thing I could think to do was pray. As I was praying, I just started expressing to God everything I was feeling. I knew my feelings were ugly, and a lot of bitterness came pouring out, but that is what I love about my God. I don't have to pretend. I can tell Him about everything I'm feeling and thinking! And it was so amazing, because as all that ugly poured out, God started filling my heart with peace. Tears were just streaming down my face, no longer because I was angry, but because I was grateful. I was so grateful that even when I feel like I am hitting rock bottom, God is there. I was grateful because He is able to turn every situation in my life that feels negative into something that I can look back at and thank Him for! I was grateful because, my God, the God of this massive universe, the same God that is greiving over the spritiual state of our world, and is dealing with problems much bigger than mine, cared. God cared enough about Carli to be there with me in that moment where I felt so helpless and so frustrated. His love and His presence were so overwhelming to me right then.
One thing that has been so cool about what I've been going through lately, is the way I have been hearing from God. Sometimes the things that He speaks to my heart are so clear that they could almost be audible! A verse from James came to my mind as I was praying, and I knew it was from God.
^"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:2-4
This verse spoke so directly to what I was/am going through. I memorized that verse as a child, and it was tucked away somewhere in a dusty corner of my mind. God drew it out at a time when He knew I needed it so badly. I couldn't help but think about how much God has been teaching me, and how I AM learning perserverance! I have always been able to admit that I am not a very patient person, and God is growing me in that area for sure! It also brings to mind a verse that I have posted on my fridge.
Phillipians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus."
To think that God is completing me and perfecting me was such an awesome thought! There IS a purpose for all of these trials I have been facing, and the purpose is much bigger than the surface lessons that I have been learning (though those are important too). i had known that all along in my head, but for the first time I felt its absolute truth in my heart. God is maturing me, perfecting me, and completing me!!! WOW! It really brought to life for me what it means to be God's handywork! God cares so much for me that He is personally investing in me! Once I came to this realization, I not only had incredible peace, but so much JOY!!! God is making me unshakable! Not in my own strength, but in HIS! That is so exciting to me. I have always felt so weak. I have felt like other people's opinions of me have controlled much of my life. i have felt that circumstances had the power to turn me upside down. To think that I have the strength within me to overcome ALL of these things was a revolutionary thought to me!
What an important moment that was in my life. Thank God that He cares about me enough to allow me to go through challenges in my life so that I can be made complete in Him! I am at a point right now that I can honestly and genuinly say that I am absolutely grateful to be facing every trial in my life right now, and I am ready for God to use me and take me wherever He sees fit.
This is only the beginning of my journey, and I am so excited to see where God is going to take me. I am so ready to be used by Him! It is so exciting to be trusting and living on faith day to day. God isn't finished with me yet. He will continue the good work that He started in me when I was just 6 years old at a Billy Graham conference. I know that as long as I am listening, and as long as my heart is willing and waiting to hear from Him, every day will be a revolution! A spiritual revolution that will begin within me, and hopefully spill out and spread to all those around me, so that my life will have made an eternal difference in this very lost and dying world.
Thanks so much for reading! May God Bless each of you the way He has blessed me!
~Carli~