home (h
m)n.1. A place where one lives; a residence.
2. The physical structure within which one lives, such as a house or apartment.
3. A dwelling place together with the family or social unit that occupies it; a household.
4.
a. An environment offering security and happiness.
b. A valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.
When I started my blog, just a few weeks ago, I was picturing writing about things that have already happened to me, and sharing about lessons in my life that I have already learned. However, there are a lot of things in my life that I am still in the midst of. Things that I haven't worked through yet, that I still can't see the end of. And then there are those "things" that are waiting right around the corner. Those trials that I don't see coming and that I am rarely ready for. The ones that tend to hit me like a freight train and knock me off my feet. I realized today that I want to share those things too. It's easy to want to put on this facade of "having it all together". My tendency would be to only reveal to you the things about me and my life that I feel I have control over, but that is not being real. I want to be able to be the first one to admit to you that I have struggles, that my faith is often weak, and my determination is often worn down. I SO value openness and the ability to be genuine. I don't want to pretend to you all that I am anything that I am not. So I intend to put my heart out there. Vulnerability can be so hard to achieve sometimes because the fear of being judged is very real, but when it comes right down to it, the only judgment that matters is that of my Heavenly Father.
So I said all that to say that I am going to reveal some of my weaknesses to you. That doesn't mean that I am proud of them, or that I am okay with my lack of strength in these areas. What it does mean though, is that I recognize that I am on a journey. Every day I have to strive to be who Christ wants me to be, and I know that even then, I will never attain perfection. This isn't about who I am today or where I am right now. It is about where I am headed and who I am trying to become. It's about recognizing what things in my life have eternal value, and being able to let go of the things that don't.
So...wow! Hope I haven't lost you all already. I'm sure you are wondering when I will actually get to the point of this blog post and when, if ever, my title will actually make sense. To help you understand where I am coming from I have to take you back about 2 years. Matt and I were newly married, and we were living in a tiny (but expensive) one bedroom apartment. We were both working and things were good. It didn't take us long to realize though, that apartment living was not for us! And I think that our landlords would have agreed. It got to the point that it seemed like we couldn't do anything right. Matt had to run an extension cord out the door to plug in his diesel truck, or else it wouldn't start in the winter. They didn't like that. He backed his truck over the curb so that his plow wasn't blocking traffic. They didn't like that. His truck leaked oil in their parking lot, and guess what, they didn't like that either. Lol....I can't say that I blame them. I understand that they wanted to keep up appearances, but it made things tough for us. Matt's trucks and equipment were spread out all over Delaware county and he had to go to his parents every day to feed his dog! It worked for awhile, but after a year and a half, we were ready to move on! Well, it just so happened that the perfect opportunity fell right into our laps. Old friends of Matt's had gotten in touch with him and asked if he could go clean up their property that they had for sale. They had moved out of state and weren't able to keep up with things, and the weeds had gotten out of control. So of course, he went and did the work, but it also got the wheels turning. Maybe they would want to rent it out. The house had been on the market for about a year, and had only had a few showings. When we presented the idea to the owners, they were interested, but they came back with a monthly rent price that Matt and I knew we couldn't afford, so we told them we couldn't do it. I remember being so disappointed. I was even a little angry that we couldn't make it work because I had gotten so excited about the possibility. Well, I decided to just give it to God. What else could I do? We were gonna be stuck in our tiny apartment for who knows how long, but I knew God had a plan for us.
And boy did He ever. A few months later, completely out of the blue, we got a phone call from the owners of the house. They informed us that they had officially pulled the house off the market and asked what price it would take to get us into it. I was shocked! We immediately came to an agreement and started finding out what we had to do to get out of our current lease. Arrangements were made, and on December 1st of 2008, we moved into our very first home.
From the day we moved in I knew that this was a place that I could truly make my home. I loved everything about it. Its spacious, yet homey. Humble, yet beautiful. It is in the country, but still close to town and close to our families. It was perfect! As time has gone by, I have only fallen more and more in love with this place. We have even allowed ourselves to dream about all the things we could do with the place if it were ours, and actually, it often feels like it already is. I know it's just a house and a piece of property, but it represents everything that I want in my life. It is a great place to raise a family, and to have loved ones come over, and to throw birthday parties. We have a pond and a creek and tons of trees and we are surrounded by farmland. It couldn't get any better than that for a country girl like me. I have been able to decorate and paint, and when I look around, I feel like my home is a perfect reflection of our family and the uniqueness of who we are.
Then of course, we had Lexi. I spent hours and hours painting and decorating her room. This is the place we brought her home too and where she has spent her first year of life. I look around and already, this place is so full of memories and precious moments that I will hold so dear to me forever.
We knew that at some point our landlords were going to want to sell again. They had actually offered to sell us the house at one point, for much lower than it's market value, but we have not been in a position to buy. We have talked with them about what we could do, and we were going to just play it buy ear, and keep renting until, hopefully, someday soon, we WOULD be in a place that we could purchase our little piece of paradise.
I have had the occasional, fleeting thought, or rather, worry, that they would one day contact us and tell us they were ready to sell again, before we were ready to buy, but I would just push it to the back of my mind and blow it off. Well, last week....that happened. I got an email from our landlord saying that they were thinking about putting the house back on the market and asked us if we were in a position to buy, and of course, we aren't. They said they they were researching the housing market in the area and would let us know what they decided to do. Then last night, I got a second email that confirmed what I was dreading. They want to sell. They are actually coming this week to visit family, and they said they will probably list it while they are here. Our lease isn't up until December 1st. They said they just wanted to see if the house got any interest. If it doesn't sell, they will pull it back off the market until spring.
So where does that leave us? I'm not really sure. Honestly, I feel like our home is being ripped right out from underneath us. It's so easy to forget that this place isn't ours, and we just got slapped right across the face with the reality that it is not. I can't help but think about all the dreams we had for our future here, and about how I can't imagine how anywhere else could be as wonderful as living here. My heart breaks when I look around and think about what we will be leaving behind. Nothing is certain yet, but we just don't know what is going to happen. Leaving will mean that we will have to find new homes for our animals, ans also find a place for Matt to keep all his equipment. It's going to be sad and stressful. I suppose that there is still the chance that they will not be able to sell and that we will be able to stay. I secretly hope for that, even though I know it's terribly selfish. But then there is also the chance that there will be a quick buyer, and come December, we will be moving out. I just hate the uncertainty of it all.
So I've been asking God, what do you want me to learn from all this? And I think there is probably more than one answer to that question. One verse in particular came to mind as I was trying to process this situation. Collosians 3:2 "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." The truth is, everything in this life is temporary. Even if we are able to stay here and eventually buy this house, it will still only last as long as we do. Once this life is over, everything here becomes irrelevant except for what we did to please the Father.
I have realized as I have been writing this blog post (which has actually been over the course of a couple days), that this house might make me happy, but it is not the source of my joy, and the blessing in that, is that because it can not supply my joy, it also can't take it away!
I've heard the saying before, "The only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty." Ain't that the truth! But I think that is all part of God's divine plan. If we were always certain about everything, then why would we need faith, and why, for that matter, would we need God? I find in my own life that (sadly) I am much more aware of His presence in my valleys than on my mountain tops. When everything is fine and dandy, I often forget my need for Christ to be the center of my life. These uncertainties in life serve as an amazing reminder that I have everything I need right inside of me! And my Savior is so gracious and kind! He could let me fall and leave me crying out for help, but He doesn't. He always reaches out to catch me and gives me the peace and the comfort that I am longing for.
So to answer my own question, "What makes a house a home?", it is not about where I live, or about what kind of house I live in. What makes any house my home is, first of all, knowing that Christ is with me wherever I go, and He can give me everything I need. And secondly, that my family is what makes any house a home, and they are far more precious than any four walls and roof that could possibly become our place of residence.
So my conclusion? I know this process might not be easy. I still might cry if we have to leave. I will still look around and try to memorize all the nooks and crannys of this place so I will never forget them, and I will still take one last look back when we pull out of the drive for the last time, but I have found a strength and a joy that far outweighs any of the discomfort that might be to come. I have an eternal home in Heaven waiting for me, and in the meantime, I have all the security, happiness, and the refuge that I will ever need right within me. His name is Jesus Christ.
(Thanks for reading! I know I was long winded!)
God Bless!
~Carli~
When I started my blog, just a few weeks ago, I was picturing writing about things that have already happened to me, and sharing about lessons in my life that I have already learned. However, there are a lot of things in my life that I am still in the midst of. Things that I haven't worked through yet, that I still can't see the end of. And then there are those "things" that are waiting right around the corner. Those trials that I don't see coming and that I am rarely ready for. The ones that tend to hit me like a freight train and knock me off my feet. I realized today that I want to share those things too. It's easy to want to put on this facade of "having it all together". My tendency would be to only reveal to you the things about me and my life that I feel I have control over, but that is not being real. I want to be able to be the first one to admit to you that I have struggles, that my faith is often weak, and my determination is often worn down. I SO value openness and the ability to be genuine. I don't want to pretend to you all that I am anything that I am not. So I intend to put my heart out there. Vulnerability can be so hard to achieve sometimes because the fear of being judged is very real, but when it comes right down to it, the only judgment that matters is that of my Heavenly Father.
So I said all that to say that I am going to reveal some of my weaknesses to you. That doesn't mean that I am proud of them, or that I am okay with my lack of strength in these areas. What it does mean though, is that I recognize that I am on a journey. Every day I have to strive to be who Christ wants me to be, and I know that even then, I will never attain perfection. This isn't about who I am today or where I am right now. It is about where I am headed and who I am trying to become. It's about recognizing what things in my life have eternal value, and being able to let go of the things that don't.
So...wow! Hope I haven't lost you all already. I'm sure you are wondering when I will actually get to the point of this blog post and when, if ever, my title will actually make sense. To help you understand where I am coming from I have to take you back about 2 years. Matt and I were newly married, and we were living in a tiny (but expensive) one bedroom apartment. We were both working and things were good. It didn't take us long to realize though, that apartment living was not for us! And I think that our landlords would have agreed. It got to the point that it seemed like we couldn't do anything right. Matt had to run an extension cord out the door to plug in his diesel truck, or else it wouldn't start in the winter. They didn't like that. He backed his truck over the curb so that his plow wasn't blocking traffic. They didn't like that. His truck leaked oil in their parking lot, and guess what, they didn't like that either. Lol....I can't say that I blame them. I understand that they wanted to keep up appearances, but it made things tough for us. Matt's trucks and equipment were spread out all over Delaware county and he had to go to his parents every day to feed his dog! It worked for awhile, but after a year and a half, we were ready to move on! Well, it just so happened that the perfect opportunity fell right into our laps. Old friends of Matt's had gotten in touch with him and asked if he could go clean up their property that they had for sale. They had moved out of state and weren't able to keep up with things, and the weeds had gotten out of control. So of course, he went and did the work, but it also got the wheels turning. Maybe they would want to rent it out. The house had been on the market for about a year, and had only had a few showings. When we presented the idea to the owners, they were interested, but they came back with a monthly rent price that Matt and I knew we couldn't afford, so we told them we couldn't do it. I remember being so disappointed. I was even a little angry that we couldn't make it work because I had gotten so excited about the possibility. Well, I decided to just give it to God. What else could I do? We were gonna be stuck in our tiny apartment for who knows how long, but I knew God had a plan for us.
And boy did He ever. A few months later, completely out of the blue, we got a phone call from the owners of the house. They informed us that they had officially pulled the house off the market and asked what price it would take to get us into it. I was shocked! We immediately came to an agreement and started finding out what we had to do to get out of our current lease. Arrangements were made, and on December 1st of 2008, we moved into our very first home.
From the day we moved in I knew that this was a place that I could truly make my home. I loved everything about it. Its spacious, yet homey. Humble, yet beautiful. It is in the country, but still close to town and close to our families. It was perfect! As time has gone by, I have only fallen more and more in love with this place. We have even allowed ourselves to dream about all the things we could do with the place if it were ours, and actually, it often feels like it already is. I know it's just a house and a piece of property, but it represents everything that I want in my life. It is a great place to raise a family, and to have loved ones come over, and to throw birthday parties. We have a pond and a creek and tons of trees and we are surrounded by farmland. It couldn't get any better than that for a country girl like me. I have been able to decorate and paint, and when I look around, I feel like my home is a perfect reflection of our family and the uniqueness of who we are.
Then of course, we had Lexi. I spent hours and hours painting and decorating her room. This is the place we brought her home too and where she has spent her first year of life. I look around and already, this place is so full of memories and precious moments that I will hold so dear to me forever.
We knew that at some point our landlords were going to want to sell again. They had actually offered to sell us the house at one point, for much lower than it's market value, but we have not been in a position to buy. We have talked with them about what we could do, and we were going to just play it buy ear, and keep renting until, hopefully, someday soon, we WOULD be in a place that we could purchase our little piece of paradise.
I have had the occasional, fleeting thought, or rather, worry, that they would one day contact us and tell us they were ready to sell again, before we were ready to buy, but I would just push it to the back of my mind and blow it off. Well, last week....that happened. I got an email from our landlord saying that they were thinking about putting the house back on the market and asked us if we were in a position to buy, and of course, we aren't. They said they they were researching the housing market in the area and would let us know what they decided to do. Then last night, I got a second email that confirmed what I was dreading. They want to sell. They are actually coming this week to visit family, and they said they will probably list it while they are here. Our lease isn't up until December 1st. They said they just wanted to see if the house got any interest. If it doesn't sell, they will pull it back off the market until spring.
So where does that leave us? I'm not really sure. Honestly, I feel like our home is being ripped right out from underneath us. It's so easy to forget that this place isn't ours, and we just got slapped right across the face with the reality that it is not. I can't help but think about all the dreams we had for our future here, and about how I can't imagine how anywhere else could be as wonderful as living here. My heart breaks when I look around and think about what we will be leaving behind. Nothing is certain yet, but we just don't know what is going to happen. Leaving will mean that we will have to find new homes for our animals, ans also find a place for Matt to keep all his equipment. It's going to be sad and stressful. I suppose that there is still the chance that they will not be able to sell and that we will be able to stay. I secretly hope for that, even though I know it's terribly selfish. But then there is also the chance that there will be a quick buyer, and come December, we will be moving out. I just hate the uncertainty of it all.
So I've been asking God, what do you want me to learn from all this? And I think there is probably more than one answer to that question. One verse in particular came to mind as I was trying to process this situation. Collosians 3:2 "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." The truth is, everything in this life is temporary. Even if we are able to stay here and eventually buy this house, it will still only last as long as we do. Once this life is over, everything here becomes irrelevant except for what we did to please the Father.
I have realized as I have been writing this blog post (which has actually been over the course of a couple days), that this house might make me happy, but it is not the source of my joy, and the blessing in that, is that because it can not supply my joy, it also can't take it away!
I've heard the saying before, "The only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty." Ain't that the truth! But I think that is all part of God's divine plan. If we were always certain about everything, then why would we need faith, and why, for that matter, would we need God? I find in my own life that (sadly) I am much more aware of His presence in my valleys than on my mountain tops. When everything is fine and dandy, I often forget my need for Christ to be the center of my life. These uncertainties in life serve as an amazing reminder that I have everything I need right inside of me! And my Savior is so gracious and kind! He could let me fall and leave me crying out for help, but He doesn't. He always reaches out to catch me and gives me the peace and the comfort that I am longing for.
So to answer my own question, "What makes a house a home?", it is not about where I live, or about what kind of house I live in. What makes any house my home is, first of all, knowing that Christ is with me wherever I go, and He can give me everything I need. And secondly, that my family is what makes any house a home, and they are far more precious than any four walls and roof that could possibly become our place of residence.
So my conclusion? I know this process might not be easy. I still might cry if we have to leave. I will still look around and try to memorize all the nooks and crannys of this place so I will never forget them, and I will still take one last look back when we pull out of the drive for the last time, but I have found a strength and a joy that far outweighs any of the discomfort that might be to come. I have an eternal home in Heaven waiting for me, and in the meantime, I have all the security, happiness, and the refuge that I will ever need right within me. His name is Jesus Christ.
(Thanks for reading! I know I was long winded!)
God Bless!
~Carli~
Oh, how hard Carli! I'm sorry you are facing this uncertainty. I could really feel the emotion in your words. I will be praying something works out so you can stay! It really is a perfect place for your family!
ReplyDeleteYour a beautiful, STRONG woman Carli. God has a plan for you and Matt. We just have to trust that God knows our future and his plans for our lives...Everything that he does is for for the best. Jim and I struggled at the beginning but these past few years we have truely been blessed. Just keep praying for his Will and I too will keep you and Matt in my prayers! HUGS to you sweetie!! - Heather
ReplyDeleteCarli, when we first moved back to Ohio it was so hard for me. Your family was so gracious and let us stay in your camper until it got too cold. Then we were in Uncle Mark's apartment. Our animals were still at your house. We had to make that trip twice a day to take care of them. All of our stuff was in storage, so I was unable to do what I normally do (make bread, etc.). I kept telling Michael, " I need a home!! I just need a home!!" He told me that he bought tickets to that Michael Card concert. I told him I didn't want to go. He stood firm that we were going. That was so unlike him. The night of the concert, I did not feel good. It tried to get out of going. He insisted I go. Again, this was totally not the norm for him. We went that night and it was like the whole concert was a message to God from me. Right before he sang the last song, Michael Card said, "There is someone here tonight that thinks they need a home. God wants you to know that He will be your home." I cried so hard. Then he sang that song, "I Will Be Your Home". I still cry remembering that evening. If we have the Lord, we truly have all we need. Let Him be your home and you will be "at home" no matter where you are. :) I love you!!!
ReplyDeleteCarli,
ReplyDeleteI needed to hear this today. Thanks for posting!
Thank you for sharing from your heart! I know God has a wonderful plan for you and your sweet family and I'll be praying for God's wisdom through this situation. I love you, Carligirl!
ReplyDeleteOh hunny, you make me want to cry b/c I know the things you think of! I want to move closer to my parents, but look at my bedroom wall and the tiny 3 mo and 6 mo old hands that i had the kids paint onto our bedroom wall by their little pictures..I'd have to take the wall with me! Chad and I have been on a journey to be completely debt free since last January 09'..We did Dave Ramsey's financial peace university at church and it changed our lives..If we had not done it, with the lack of work this winter, more than likely would have lost our home, but God certainly did have another plan! Instead, when you're obedient to what he says to you, he will bless you tremendously! We paid off OSU loans last summer and gave up vacation to do it..This year, is the vehicle loan and it is the last of our debt and they are both falling apart already! Well, Lord willing, we will be completely debt free by November this year! What I am getting at is we make fun of our vehicles b/c I'm driving 3 kids in a van with no AC and it will cost $600 to fix it, BUT..the goal is debt free and dishing out that extra money, won't get me there..so..I told my mechanic that we will have to ride in an ACless car until it's paid off and that when we get to heaven God is going to have some sort of Lexus Van waiting for chad and I!! haha! But our treasures certainly aren't here and you are absolutely correct!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this Carli. It almost made me cry. I'll be praying for you as you go through this. I can learn from your attitude! Josh and I are really getting tired of renting and would love to have our own place. You gave me a good reminder though that the house is not as important as what's IN the house. I need to learn to be content where I am, and just enjoy each phase of my life with my wonderful husband. So thanks! :-)
ReplyDeleteHey Carli, great story. You are right when you said that the place you live is not your home, your home is the ones who live with you. I will be praying for you. Please pray for Billy and I. We may have to move next door with his parents if we can't afford to make it. He is working, now I just need to find something. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteWow! Thank you all so much for all of the encouragement! I am so honored that you took the time to read what I have to say! You all are such a blessing to me, and I'm so glad that you can with relate with where I'm at. i have really been trying to just leave it in God's hands and I have had a lot more peace!
ReplyDeleteCarli, so sorry you and your family will have to be leaving your home:( But you are right, our home is where we make it, with our family. I admire your outlook on this, and it inspires me! Thanks for sharing from your heart again!
ReplyDelete